Parents of teens are coming under increasing pressure from a mounting crisis. The media is blaming you without giving any helpful advice. Your schools seem lost and support services overwhelmed. Has this left you feeling like you are failing your teen or you are out of ideas?
We feel you. The Same Boat Parents are school leaders, teachers and youth workers who have got it wrong in every imaginable way, often in front of 20 other teens. We’ve already uncovered what works and learned the lessons so you don’t have to.Here are 4 of the fundamental attitudes and processes you can use to start building more control.
Device control
All of our experts had a cold sweat the first time they implemented no phone zones, but they work, and it turned out to be possible. You can do this too. Getting strong device control helps hugely with things like mental health, school absence and learning social skills. Our advice, start small, with a room or short time period.
Boundaries
With teens most things come down to having clear boundaries. That’s because they are going to push them relentlessly and creatively. If this leaves you exhausted and mad it’s a reliefe to us because we feel like that too. What works is when we focus on a small number of things, tell ourselves it will take time and consistently enforce those boundaries without punishment.
A safe space for feelings
You might have noticed your teen spends a lot of time in a fear or anger state. Who can blame them, they are bombarded with it through their devices. The most powerful thing we can do is create a safe space for discussion. This means validating their feelings first and actually sound like you meant it, which can be hard. Second, help them solve the problem for themselves, don’t solve it for them.
Persistence
Human beings are programmed to avoid expending energy. You’ll have noticed your teen is hardwired to take this to extremes. We have to be persistent on their behalf. Setting ourselves a goal and being prepared for tiny steps over the course of days, weeks or months. You will be most successful when you are clear, your focus is narrow and you keep on going.
